High Conflict Custody Disputes vs. High Conflict Personality:
Why Understanding Context Matters in Family Court
In family law, high conflict custody disputes often appear to involve two combative parents. Courts frequently rely on the legal presumption that “it takes two to tango”, assuming both share equal responsibility for conflict. However, this assumption can obscure a deeper dynamic — when one parent’s high conflict personality (HCP) drives the ongoing turmoil, while the other is simply reacting or trying to protect their child.
A high conflict personality may engage in chronic blaming, controlling, or manipulative behavior to dominate the narrative and maintain psychological power. These patterns can include spreading false allegations, violating boundaries, or repeatedly disrupting parenting arrangements. On the surface, both parents may appear embroiled in conflict. Yet, a closer look often reveals one party provoking crises and the other struggling to contain or de-escalate them.
To truly understand these cases, courts and legal professionals must evaluate not only the actions but also their nature, motivation, and context. For example, a protective parent documenting conversations or contacting authorities might appear “high conflict,” but those actions often arise from fear, safeguarding behaviors, or a need to establish a safety record. In contrast, a high conflict individual acts from control, retaliation, or manipulation—not protection.
When contextual factors are overlooked, courts risk penalizing protective parents and equating victim responses with aggression. This misunderstanding can lead to victim-blaming and obscure patterns of non-physical abuse like coercive control, stalking, financial domination, verbal attacks, and psychological destabilization.
Protective parents caught in this dynamic face a painful double bind. If they react emotionally to ongoing abuse, their credibility can be undermined; if they remain composed, their fear may be dismissed. Meanwhile, the high conflict parent often presents as calm, charming, and cooperative, successfully masking their aggressive behaviors behind a facade of reasonableness.
Effective legal strategies must move beyond the “it takes two to tango” assumption and recognize the context driving conflict. By identifying who is perpetuating the dispute — and why — courts can better protect children, craft informed custody decisions, and reduce long-term emotional harm.
Private Child Custody Consultation with Dr. Jenna Saul
When facing a high conflict custody dispute, trusted guidance can make the difference between prolonged courtroom battles and meaningful resolution. Dr. Jenna Saul, a Board-Certified Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, offers private consultations designed to help families navigate difficult custody situations with clarity, confidence, and compassion.
Rather than labeling cases as “high-conflict divorces,” Dr. Saul focuses on identifying whether a high conflict personality may be driving the dispute — a crucial distinction that often changes the trajectory of a case. Through her hybrid model that integrates custody evaluation and conflict resolution, Dr. Saul helps parents and professionals work toward agreements outside the courtroom—saving time, reducing stress, and minimizing emotional and financial costs.
Dr. Saul’s unique psychiatric insight empowers you to:
Navigate custody disputes involving high conflict personalities with informed, trauma-aware strategies.
Recognize and neutralize manipulative or coercive behaviors, maintaining focus on your child’s best interests.
Develop child-centered custody strategies based on developmental science and emotional well-being.
Set firm boundaries and communicate effectively under challenging circumstances.
Work toward resolution with impartial guidance, improving co-parenting dynamics and lowering legal expenses.
Every family is unique. That’s why Dr. Saul approaches each consultation with balanced objectivity and empathy, offering developmentally informed recommendations focused on your child(ren)’s long-term health and stability. Her goal is to help parents shift attention from conflict to collaboration, healing, and growth—ensuring children’s best interests remain at the heart of every decision.
My Commitment to You
I am dedicated to empowering you to maintain a strong parenting mindset throughout your custody dispute, helping you advocate effectively for your children’s best interests—even when your ex prioritizes other agendas. I carefully identify ambiguities or gaps in custody agreements that a coercively controlling party might exploit, ensuring these are addressed before finalization.
Understanding that traditional co-parenting isn’t always possible, I work with you to explore alternative parenting arrangements tailored to your unique situation. I focus on fostering resilience and hope in your children, fully recognizing the emotional impact this process can have on your family.
With warmth and compassion, I support you every step of the way—from navigating complex legal challenges to guiding you through healing and growth afterward. My trauma-sensitive approach helps you release anger and resentment, reconnect with your whole self, and embrace the strengths and wisdom you’ve gained throughout this journey.
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Jenna Saul, MD @ChildsBestInterest
© 2022 @ChildsBestInterest
